Journal of a Plump Lady

plumpladyWell I haven’t written much lately because I have been so busy, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had tons to write about – because I do!  I just don’t really know where to start.  (Should I talk about God, starting nonprofit, starting new business, making changes, family, raising a teenage girl, having my mom live with me, volunteering, or should I just start with me…it is time for self-reflection.)  So here I go…

I have made a lot of changes in my life this year and I feel so blessed!  My work is fun and I feel like I am making a difference and really helping others.  You see – I am pursuing my passion and God has been my guide through all of it!  When you choose to TRUST God – he just makes things so clear.  I always tried to control things but when I finally turned to him and let him have control – things are so much better!

I feel good – that is strange for me to say because I have so many health issues.  Last year about this time – I honestly felt like I only had a few months to live.  I was stressed, depressed and literally hurt all over.  I thought I had a terrible illness – cancer or something.  Have you ever felt that way?  Luckily, I have made changes in my life and I have more energy, feel better, sleep better and am not stressed.  What a difference that is… Now, I really want to lose weight but this is a WAR that I struggle with daily.  I have started working out at least two days a week and I enjoy that and I have done pretty good with that.  I am getting stronger and more flexible.  My real problem – the Food.

Food stresses me out.  I love food.  I love all the herbs, nuts, meats, veggies, fruits…not cakes or chips or anything like that – not even bread – so what is the problem?  My problem – I like convenience – does anyone else deal with this issue – I NEED HELP!  I work a lot and volunteer a lot and sometime I do not have time to determine what to eat; so I run through the drive through and grab food for my family.  We eat out a lot – ALOT.  I know that is a big issue.  I have bought those trendy trays so that I can prepare my food ahead of time but seriously I am not excited about that.  I really don’t want to eat the same meal every day – how boring is that.  I get tired of chicken done forty-nine ways.  It is still chicken…. BORING!!!  You see I like Pasta because you can prepare it 49 ways and it taste different every time – oh and it takes 10 minutes.  So I have diagnosed my problem with food – I need food that is convenient – quick to fix – healthy – without being BORING!

I truly appreciate different tastes and my palette is gourmet cuisine!  I love the perfect cheese on an oat cracker drizzle with a little honey and then followed by a fig.  Yes, that is what I’m talking about.  I love the deliciousness of mixing foods and flavors together to find that perfect combination.  Oh the taste- I roll my eyes just thinking of the surprise of sweet, crunchy, tasty amazing treat.  Sorry – got distracted for a minute!  I need help!

What do you eat?  How do you not get bored?  How can I win this WAR?  I would just take a win of a battle right now.  I am so frustrated with myself.  Why is this so hard?  I want it but I don’t want to work for it – that is not who I am except where food is concerned.  How can it have such a hold on me?

Please share with me today – I need to hear from my friends – heck even my enemies.  I ask selfishly for prayers as I continue my journey.  Maybe we can do this together.

The Plump Lady – Leigh Christian

Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV) For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a fut

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Who needs to change?

Well, I realized I didn’t have enough time, patience or willpower to change everyone else; i realized i had better change myself. It was hard admitting that I had that much wrong with myself but I really took a look and didn’t like the person I was. I decided to see a counselor because I need someone to hold me accountable to changing, what if someone saw me there…they will think I am crazy!

A few months back I had actually applied for a reality television show…it was about makeover of physical, mental, financial, home, etc. I was seeking something to help me change and was willing to put myself in front of lots of people to do it…once again…the accountability thing…I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. I made it through several casting calls and it seemed like I was going to be chosen…then the show got cancelled….guess people don’t care to watch good news stories. This did help me realize two things…one is that I need to feel accountable…I need lots of help and goals and someone to train or mentor me. Television viewers could hold me accountable and surely that would help me stick to my diet and changes that I wanted to make.

Accountability…I think it always is the way to go…just knowing someone is going to check in or check up makes a difference. I always brush my teeth before the dentist, or try to look good before seeing an old friend….or clean up the house in a frenzy when a guest is coming….its important to not try to change without help. Our society studies before a test, we prepare before events, and we have others hold us accountable throughout life. Who could hold me accountable? I need help physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially…and on and on! No one has that much time to devote to me…

The other thing I realized is I was willing to share my story…that was big. Who wants anyone muchless everyone to know who you really are. It is embarrassing, and painful to let others know where you were in your life. Low place…the pit…..the pity place…..wait…I am together and confident….not this person! Do I really want people to know…I am not really the person I pretend to be? People look up to me…they can’t know that I am such a mess. Why should I share, why would anyone care what I have to say? I know that there are so many in the same place I was and don’t know how to change…I hope to inspire the change in you.