Well, I realized I didn’t have enough time, patience or willpower to change everyone else; i realized i had better change myself. It was hard admitting that I had that much wrong with myself but I really took a look and didn’t like the person I was. I decided to see a counselor because I need someone to hold me accountable to changing, what if someone saw me there…they will think I am crazy!
A few months back I had actually applied for a reality television show…it was about makeover of physical, mental, financial, home, etc. I was seeking something to help me change and was willing to put myself in front of lots of people to do it…once again…the accountability thing…I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. I made it through several casting calls and it seemed like I was going to be chosen…then the show got cancelled….guess people don’t care to watch good news stories. This did help me realize two things…one is that I need to feel accountable…I need lots of help and goals and someone to train or mentor me. Television viewers could hold me accountable and surely that would help me stick to my diet and changes that I wanted to make.
Accountability…I think it always is the way to go…just knowing someone is going to check in or check up makes a difference. I always brush my teeth before the dentist, or try to look good before seeing an old friend….or clean up the house in a frenzy when a guest is coming….its important to not try to change without help. Our society studies before a test, we prepare before events, and we have others hold us accountable throughout life. Who could hold me accountable? I need help physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially…and on and on! No one has that much time to devote to me…
The other thing I realized is I was willing to share my story…that was big. Who wants anyone muchless everyone to know who you really are. It is embarrassing, and painful to let others know where you were in your life. Low place…the pit…..the pity place…..wait…I am together and confident….not this person! Do I really want people to know…I am not really the person I pretend to be? People look up to me…they can’t know that I am such a mess. Why should I share, why would anyone care what I have to say? I know that there are so many in the same place I was and don’t know how to change…I hope to inspire the change in you.